Until recently, you meant nothing to me.
I might have heard your name, even caught your show.
But last night,
lo and behold, we stumbled onto you in between the knock-off stuffed animals with stick-on eyeballs
and the gourmet foods at Petsmart.
Sure, we came for my dietary needs.
But, you make bears and bees, pigeons and kitties!
Mom reminded me my “issues” require special food and that food’s not cheap.
I pointed to the guarantee. Offered to make-do with store brand in exchange for one of your pigeons.
I begged, pleaded.
Trust me, it wasn’t pretty, a full-grown Airedale melting in the middle of Petsmart.
Mom told me “Martha’s too expensive. Each toy is $11!”
And then she grabbed this:
and then this:
That’s the reason for my letter.
In all your years of doling out household advice,
You must know a simple household remedy
to remove a pathetic frog’s paper eyeballs from the back of a dog’s throat.
“A Martha-devotee forever”